theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
