I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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