im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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