U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
so much tequila, so little girl.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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