She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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