He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
its not stalking. its research.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
