dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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