I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize