If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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