I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
