Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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