peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Drake has all the answers
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
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