today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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