Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
