Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
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