tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize