No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
well you can't waste a boner
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He shit in the fireplace
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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