i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
