its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
