I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
third nipple confirmed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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