ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
