We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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