I'm really into asian looking animals
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
