Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize