puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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