my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
