you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
