can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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