I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
