My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
