It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
