The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
