I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I said "one day" and that day is not today
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
