is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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