I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
