Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
