Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
