my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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