Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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