Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
