Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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