She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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