My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
