I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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