I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
