She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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