grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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