Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
