Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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