Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
