You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
