she was so not down for the gang bang
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
