fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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