I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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