My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
