somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
