I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
