So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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