This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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