I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I smell stomach acid.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
