I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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