I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
They took my balls.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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