i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've blown a few things in my day
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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