Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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