Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
