just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
