i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
