And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
