So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
