It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
