i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
