O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
