in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
